


We Don't Do This

by coverofnight



Series: Break Me Down [4]
Category: Wentworth (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-20 08:42:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12429126
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coverofnight/pseuds/coverofnight
Summary: Part two of Rebirth. From Joan's POV.





	We Don't Do This

Vera ignites a fire in me that feels near impossible to extinguish. The way her body moves in unison with mine, the way she sings my praises, the way she loves me--all of it stirs something so visceral within that I cannot maintain my composure.

The sun sets on our lovemaking just as I cry out for her one last time. My legs quiver in pleasure and uncertainty. On a very surface level, Vera allows me to climax more fully than I have in years. But her actions this afternoon go so much deeper.

In this hotel room, far away from home and our roles at Wentworth, Vera has shown me her true strength and power. She is a being now fully in control of her body. She knows what she wants, how to please herself. How to please me. Somewhere inside her exists a gauge that calculates my desires with terrifying accuracy.

_I want to try. You haven't let me yet._

For months, I’ve been kneeling before Vera and slipping my tongue between her sweet lower lips. When all is said and done, I excuse myself from her bed and go home. But today was a turning point for us. Perhaps she saw in me a flicker of disappointment when she came as soon as she did. Or she sensed my lack of fulfillment when I slid over to my side of the bed.

I am not unhappy with her. My sexual desires are simply of a darker nature than she expects.

_It’s so very difficult to judge whether she would understand._

Vera presses a clammy cheek to my chest and nestles her naked body next to mine. Rare is the occasion when I strip fully for someone else, the only other instance being the young woman with whom I lived for a short time. She had gotten me all wrong, mistook me for a gentler giant than I likely am. But Vera…

Vera possesses a drive, an assertiveness that makes every wheel in my body turn. _Emotionally. Sexually. Psychologically._ She may be but a small figure, one that I could easily overpower, but she commands a different kind of reverence from me. I find myself bowing to her, allowing myself to serve her needs before my very own. She knows all too well how to bend me to her will.

_I don't know how to tell her what I want._

She lifts her head to look up at me, her hair scraping against the sweat on my skin.  “Dinner?”

I smile gently at her. “Sure, let's call it in.”

“No, I want to go out,” she says authoritatively as she releases herself from my grip and gets out of bed.

I am taken aback by this. We haven’t left this hotel room, or this bed, in four glorious days. She knows I don’t do dinners. Dates. Nights out. _We don’t do that._ That is not the nature of our relationship. We do not hold hands or share embraces in the middle of a crowd. We are decent and respectable in public. We share only a bed and our affection for one another.

“Come on, Joan. Just this once,” she pleads. Her nose scrunches like a child’s and I melt from the sweaty calm of my place beneath the sheets. She knows she’s hooked me with that display of fierce dominance in bed. She reduced me to nothing but cries of pleasure just moments ago and now she thinks I’ll do anything she asks.

“Fine,” I say through a deep, exasperated breath. “Let’s go out.” I slip out of bed slowly; the wetness has settled between my legs and I feel a slight tingle there that jolts me as I stand.

My legs, still weak from our session, stumble as I make my way around the bed to meet her. She stands by the bathroom now awaiting our nightly shower.

On this final evening before we head home, she takes her time bathing me. As I sit on the shower stool before her, she runs gentle fingers through my long mane. She tells me how much she appreciates that I’ve allowed myself to gray a little more since we’ve come together. I can feel her breasts brush against my back as she leans in to kiss each of my temples. I sigh in response.

Never has a woman loved me so wholly as Vera. She takes care of all of me, every inch of my body as if it were her own. This afternoon proved that more than any act she could have ever performed in bed or out. Each stroke of her fingers against my skin, through my hair, over my face feels like something comparable to gratitude...perhaps because I allowed her access to the deepest parts of me for the first time today.

_I still want to show her everything. To bring her into the darkness with me. For now, what we do is done in the light._

Now she sits and it is my turn to care for her. Under the bright light above us, I feel as though I am seeing her as never before. Water flows freely over plump lips. Bright, blue eyes catch my gaze with a hint of naughtiness that, in any other scenario, might be lost on me. I tuck two fingers beneath her chin and lift her head so I can have a better view of the woman who’s so broken me down that I hardly recognize myself anymore.

She has a power over me that I could not have anticipated. She makes me do and say and think things that I might never have before we stripped each other of our uniforms.

My hand runs smooth over her hair and I lean forward to kiss her. How can a woman so gentle come to mean everything to a woman like me?

*******

We choose to dine at the hotel’s in-house restaurant. It’s enough of a getaway from our room but close enough for us to escape should the experience overwhelm either of us.

In the months we’ve shared, we have never been seen together out our uniforms. We compartmentalize each other, our sex, and our love because it’s important for both of us to retain our independence. Every kiss, caress, and encounter thus far has been fleeting. Neither of us stays long enough to hold the other. She needs solitude as much as I, if not for the very fact that Rita stole so much of her youth away. She doesn’t know herself without a parent. I’m afraid I no longer know myself without her.

Our vacation, which was entirely her idea, was our first step toward bridging those gaps between us. I had no idea that she would want to take it all the way.

We are seated at a corner table by a window where the beauty of the moon brings an unexpected calm to the energy between us. Soft smiles pass both our lips. _Relief._  No one is watching, wondering, guessing. It’s just us and the moon.

“I like seeing you across a table in the evening,” Vera says quietly, a mischievous look clouding her eyes.

I blush. “That’s how we started, remember?”

“Was it? I thought it was the lingerie,” she quips.

“You like it, don’t you?” For a moment, I squint my eyes at her,

“Like what?”

My voice goes low, deep. Dark. “Control. The power you have over me.”

She licks her lips “You like it, too.”

Just then, our waiter sets our meals before us. Vera, as usual, downs her food with a vigor that impresses me. I sit idle for a few minutes, watching those lips consume all that it takes to sustain such a full and wholesome creature. I wonder if my body gives her as much pleasure.

Soon enough, I begin to eat too.

*******

After dinner, Vera takes the opportunity to steal my favorite handkerchief from me as I use it to wipe my brow. She reaches over the table, snatches it from my hand and giggles as she clutches it to her chest. Despite all my sinister machinations, she still has a playfulness in her that I cannot seem to eradicate. Perhaps I don’t want to.

I simply resign to the moment’s silliness and watch her take a pen to the handkerchief I’ve carried with me since Jianna’s long and intense labor. Vera scribbles a note there that she won’t allow me to read. Instead, she holds onto it, says nothing about it until she stands to use the restroom.

She hands me the handkerchief before she departs; it's folded neatly to keep the handwritten words from my view until she’s far out of sight. What I read is unexpected.

_Dear Joan,_

_You are quite possibly the loveliest creature I have ever laid eyes upon.  Thank you for this afternoon, for dinner tonight, and for our future. I hope you know how much you mean to me._

_Lovingly,_ _  
_ _Vera_

I fold the handkerchief and put it back in my breast pocket. There, just beneath, my heart beats erratically and my lungs seem too large for my chest. So much of who Vera truly is surprises me that I can’t catch my breath. She and I know we don’t do this, but I reckon it’s time that we try.

**Author's Note:**

> To anyone who has read and commented on any of my work, I am SO sorry that I'm SO terrible at responding. I really do appreciate all the comments and I really do want to engage. I am just overwhelmed by the positive feedback and I don't know how to respond most of the time.


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